yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
