I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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