Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
