The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
