I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
