at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
