im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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