i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
