Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
