TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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