what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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