my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
