she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize