you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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