My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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