today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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