just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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