I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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