Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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