Don't you send me to vm
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He has the fingertips of a God
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
