I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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