she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to calm my uterus...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
