Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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