a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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