Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
