I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize