I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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