I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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