I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
