I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
even my farts smell like vagina
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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