I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
