she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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