How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
