I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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