I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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