woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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