apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
