New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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