i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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