Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
