Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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