What tipped you off? The sombrero?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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