Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
