I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize