I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
