got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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