THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did I show you my penis last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dick very happy bro
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
