so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
