i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
