Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
