What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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