so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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