new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
