i just wanna soil my oats bro
You can't motorboat a personality
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
