508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize