Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
