my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
