You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
