I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
