Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
