you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
