I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
