your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
