My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
