There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
