Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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