I puked a lego.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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