Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
