Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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