Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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