Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
