I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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