Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he told me I talked like a deaf person
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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