Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
