I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
