We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
