somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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