Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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