one word: firstdatebathroomanal
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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