margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How naked do you want me to be?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
