my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
