but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
