i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
