hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
