oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
