dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize