Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have tasted many bathrooms
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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