last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
