They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
