I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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