this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
