I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize