chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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