I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize