I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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