dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize