I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
