there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
