Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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