If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
