I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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