and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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