somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
