the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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