So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
