I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize