i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
