i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
