Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
